My girls- I am so sorry for the delay. I was very very sick with severe head congestion and my cold caused many autoimmune issues and I just could not edit this with a clear head until today. I was gone but you are never forgotten. Xx HD
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I have been thinking about how we are all, constantly, being watched. Smart phones allow us to film heated interactions with strangers, Instagram feeds- even those of non-influencers- provide clues to break ups, new love, career strife, and pregnancies. For a (perhaps?) unlucky few people, particularly difficult moments in their lives are filmed by strangers and released as soon to be viral TikTok clips. Last week, a woman had a breakdown on a plane and her viral “he’s not real” proclamations spurred hundreds of videos speculating as to what she had seen. (It seems that the woman was likely just over served and irritable.) I think the ethics of filming people in public and later posting that footage- even though it is legal, even though they are misbehaving, even though online virality is a thrill many of us chase- are complicated and I believe we should probably consider, with empathy, what we release online. I wouldn’t want my very worst moments viewed by millions of people. And this silly mess is my job.
But this isn’t an essay about victims (or victors?) of virality, who are largely protected by anonymity in terms of their names if not their likenesses. It isn’t an essay about Jonah Hill’s alarming text messages to much younger ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady. (Regular consumers of my content an easily and correctly guess how I feel about the power dynamics and manipulation obvious in those messages.) It is an essay about normal people, like you- my girls, and to a lesser extent me (because I make a living existing on the internet), interact with online stalking, gossip, and speculation.
I, of course, have a strange relationship to internet speculation. A year ago I announced my ex-husband and I were separating via TikTok and I experienced the most difficult chapter of my life publicly. I will be honest, I did not enjoy it!
But I am still here.