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My girls, I have been in a bit of a flop era. I’ve been sluggish, depressed, overwhelmed, eating too much greasy food, moving my body less than I prefer to, distracted by social media and dumb phone games. My work isn’t as good or consistent as it should be, my skin feels dull, my hair is always up, I haven’t been communicating with my friends as much as I would like, I am having trouble finding the motivation I need to fix all of these things.
As I sat to write this essay, my friend called me- more than a little frantic- because she thought my car (she’s keeping it in her garage for me) had been stolen. We quickly found out that someone was able to move it, even though she had the keys, because she was close enough to the car for the e-key to work. All is well!
But when we’re flopping we have no choice but to flip the flop. We have no choice but to put our hand out- help ourselves- so that the people in our lives can grab ahold and help us pull forward. I have been having trouble sleeping. I wake up at two or three am and cannot fall back asleep. On Tuesday morning the exhaustion came to a head. I had gotten out of bed at 4 am, aware that falling back asleep would be impossible. By nine, I was delirious and hysterical. I got back into bed but sleep still eluded me. I decided to clean the galley- the boats kitchen- and make breakfast burritos.
My girls, it helped. Productivity completely- or at least significantly- shifted my mood. Tuesday night I left my phone in the living room instead of on my nightstand and when I woke up in the middle of the night, I avoided screens and was able to actually sleep. My car is fine, I am manifesting an apartment application being approved, I just got an email from Barry’s offering me a discounted package for being a loyal client, I am consistently exfoliating.
All of this to say, here is my list of plans to completely exit this flop era over the next 8 weeks.
Move back to New York and put care and thought into furnishing my apartment. I think having a well designed and comfortable space that is mine will help me mentally.
Develop a consistent schedule in terms of waking up, creating content, writing, and working out. I like having less structure than a “traditional” job provides but it is important for me- mentally- to create some structure in my life.
Set real goals. I want to create a monthly content schedule for some of my TikToks (like my history class series), for instagram. I need a real timeline and writing schedule for completing my books. I need to set defined financial goals.
Get dressed every single day. Even if I am working from home, I want to change into something put together, make sure my hair is done, and feel good about myself physically. For me, my mental health is tightly intertwined with how confident I feel in my appearance. Perhaps this is something I should work through in therapy but in the mean time, I want to do what I can to help myself quickly.
No drinking at home unless I have friends over for a dinner party or other such occasion.
Focus on connecting with friends and spending time with them.
Prioritize eating healthy food.
Work with a functional medicine doctor to get my swelling, rashes, and other auto-immune issues under control.
I know that a lot of this list is simple, obvious things. But sometimes the simple things create the biggest changes. Plus, simple is achievable and achievement is the easiest way for me to feel mentally together. There is no shame in simplicity.
All my love,
Hannah Stella
PS: please let me know in the comments how you help yourself whenever you feel like you’re constantly flopping.
During a flop era I try and boost my karma by focusing on others. I donate blood, write the email to the manager of a hotel where the valet kid was just an absolute delight, finally send my sister that random gift I got her while traveling…it creates momentum and because it is in service to others, I get an extra bit of dopamine (of serotonin or whatever) and then the flywheel starts.
I will say that even craving a change and making a list of what you want to be doing is a good start!
Deeply resonated with this. I was in a flop era for 18 months of the past 2 years. I was engaged, financially tight, quitting a burnout job, moving, etc., and during that time I felt like I couldn't shake it off. I just kept making excuses. I did just get married, though, and the biggest change was the financial burden fell away and now I feel like a brand new person.
My approach to getting out of it is thus: Force Quit. Quit whatever programs are not responding and restart. My confidence is also tied into my appearance but I am the biggest excuse maker for myself. I literally think to myself "Force Quit" when I start to make an excuse like "you can deep clean the tub tomorrow" or "just run out for dinner." It may not work forever but it's working now!
I've gotten rid of all clothes that aren't who I want to be. I'm enjoying my new job now that wedding planning isn't eating away at my brain. I get really bad gymtimidation so I bought a yoga package even though my gym contract isn't up until October. It's deeper than treating yourself like you'd treat your best friend; I try to think about making a younger version of myself proud. It works sometimes.
Not being afraid to admit that you're flopping and throwing your whole back into changing it is awesome. I love your journey and I'm excited to read more about your ups and downs!! xx Vivian