My girls I have nothing to write about because I have so many things to write about. Most things in my life are in limbo. I just applied to an apartment (it is- in the grand tradition of perfect New York City apartments- a little more expensive than I had hoped) but several others submitted an application at the same time so there is a good chance I will not get the place so I cannot write about my new neighborhood or my new closets or my new natural light.
I was supposed to go to a few events this week but I missed them because whatever it is that is making me sick has been making me much more sick than ever before. So I cannot write about those events and I also am so tired of writing about being tired and unwell. I am trying to cut gluten and I have completely cut nicotine and I am working out more and I do not know yet if any of those things are helping (they are helping with my confidence and that is worth a lot!). I am working on a book proposal but I have not sold a book so I cannot write about that, either.
I am trying to embrace the in between. It is a rare thing- as a thirty something- to start all over with the advantages that I have. I am trying to remind myself that I am lucky even when I feel deeply unlucky and terrified. But moving and a break up and uncertainty about my career and future and everything I want to do and should be doing has left me drained.
I am trying to look forward to small things, rather than letting fear of the future overtake me.
I just ordered room service. I am taking a Barry’s class with a friend tomorrow. When I have an apartment, I will get to pick a new couch. My cats will finally live with me again. I will have more creative inspiration and more freedom than I ever have before.
For now, that’s enough.
I love you!
Hannah
love you. you’re my comfort read forever.
Girl! Go see a naturopath!