Interview with an NYC Matchmaker
Thank you to my dear friend, Emily for taking the time to do this!
Emily Holmes Hahn is the founder of LastFirst, a luxury, boutique matchmaking firm in New York City. I have known Emily since my first semester in college and she is warm, discerning, sophisticated and she has the most interesting job! Her agency matches singles looking for long term relationships- usually marriage- and has met and worked with some of the most eligible singles in the city. I find this line of work tremendously fascinating. Emily and I spoke for over two hours for this interview! I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed asking Emily questions!
If you are interested in working with Emily, as a network client in her database or as a paying client, you can fill out her application form here. Read on to hear the inside scoop on the job, who her clients are and what they’re looking for, and some dating tips from a woman responsible for hundreds of successful relationships! I hope you enjoy this interview- we got into some really interesting stuff!
Tell me a little bit about yourself and how you became a matchmaker?
I have always had an interest in, and a knack for, connecting people… but I never dreamed it would be my career! I was working at Ralph Lauren in Paris, and pretty happy with my life there until, almost exactly 10 years ago, I responded to a job posting at a New York matchmaking agency, too intriguing to ignore. I interviewed, moved back the following week to be their Membership Director, and loved every minute. I eventually decided to start my own firm, because I sensed a gap in the market for a female-founded matchmaking agency that would appeal to a more select social set. I wanted to create something more elevated than the stereotypical mass-market companies with hearts and cupids and promises to “meet millionaires” all over their websites… something more elevated that my friends and I would be proud to use.
Do you work with men and women? What are the membership options?
Absolutely! We have two levels of membership open to all genders, races, backgrounds and sexualities. The “Guest Membership” is free and entails an interview with myself or one of my matchmakers, and the option to then be considered as a match for a Client. The Client Membership is the more proactive approach—the sky’s the limit in terms of what we will do to help these individuals find love. Clients do the same onboarding interview as Guest Members, and we present sets vetted of matches to them on a monthly basis for one year (or ideally shorter, if they meet and marry one of our first picks!).
Do people who may be more difficult to match pay more?
Yes, they do. Our fee is on a sliding scale and is based largely on the client’s list of deal breakers and must haves. My most common deal breakers are cats and cigarettes. Generally, clients with a long list of qualities they are looking for in a partner understand that it’s a more difficult and labor-intensive job, and feel their fee is fair. For example, a man in his 50s who will only date women in their 30s because he wants to have more children, understands that this is going to be a bigger “project” (and a tougher sell) than a single-50s-dad looking to meet a single-50s-mom.
How does being matched work? As a client or from the database? What is a typical first date for your clients?
First we do a search in our CRM—yes, SalesForce can also make love happen!—for the basics: age range, religion, politics, education, personality keywords like “flirtatious” or “funny” or whatever that particular client might like. Beyond that, it’s all intuition. My matchmakers and I put our heads together, very unscientifically but very thoughtfully, on whose energies might be complementary, from that initial list of names we generated. We pitch our client’s profile to a potential match, then that match’s profile back to our client, and then we shift into concierge mode and coordinate schedules to set up something convenient (and romantic!) for the first date. Our typical first dates are drinks and shared appetizers with reserved bar seating— I think that sets such a sexier vibe than sitting across from each other at a big table and ordering individual dishes.
What happens next?
The morning after a client’s date is one of my favorite parts of the job, where we’ll collect and relay feedback from both parties. We give light coaching if needed, but mainly we actively listen and use the client’s comments to inform our next set of match selections. Maybe we’ll totally switch up the “search parameters,” maybe we were on the right track and just need to fine-tune, or maybe (and oftentimes) the client will want to explore things with that match before seeing any new profiles.
Tell me more about the match cards and client profiles!
For every LastFirst member—Client or Guest—we make a small calling card that includes two photos and some basic information. We used to not include photos for confidentiality reasons, but physical chemistry is so important so we’ve changed this policy in recent years. Plus people are more excited to meet when photos have piqued their interest!
Other than photos, we share initials but no first or last names. If I made a card for you, for example you would be H.S., and we would include your age, height, physical stats, location, religion, etc. We also include a “fun fact” that gives you a little more color into the match’s quirks, as well as their relationship goals (particularly whether or not they want children). My favorite finishing touch—we add five adjectives that I pick after speaking to them, based on first impressions. Match cards are short but give you a solid idea of who someone is, both independently and as a partner.
Any rules? The Millionaire Matchmaker on TV has a “no sex on the first date” rule, for example.