Hello my girls!
I know I am late again. It will not be a habit but I ask that you bear with me the next little bit of time as moving is much more of a logistical headache than I had understood. I also do not have wifi (yet!) and my hotspot is not working while I am in my apartment. The joys of reinvention!
xx
Hannah
…
I have never been single. I’ve mentioned this before. I have also never wanted to be single. For the past 14 years of my life, as soon as one romantic situation ended I felt almost immediately open to the possibility of another one. I knew myself- or I felt that I knew myself- and did not think there was particular value in time spent working on myself without the distraction of a romantic interest. While I was typically happy to be on my own, unbothered by living without a romantic partner, I did not yearn for solitude or crave my own space. And so I followed the same pattern.
A relationship ended. In the grand tradition of relationships, the break was almost never clean, efficient, and immediate. There were phone calls and visits and the eventual realization that it was the end. A few days (or hours) later, I would go out with friends or download a dating app. I would meet a person or two and within a few weeks, I was in another relationship. When I was 25 years old, a man I had dated on and off for four years and I broke up with finality. I met my ex-husband four days later.
And now I am in New York. Newly single, newly home. A few nights ago I was sitting in my hotel, bored and insecure. I downloaded a dating app, knowing there would be an immediate confidence boost from the attention. And there was attention!