Over the past year, I’ve taken several breaks from creating content on social media. The vast majority of these have been unintentional or last minute breaks. Times when I was too emotionally overwhelmed or creatively drained to produce content so I simply did not. During each of those breaks, every day I tried to find inspiration and make content and when none came, I let it go and began again the next day.
I took last week off from making content but I decided on Tuesday morning that I needed the break and did not put any pressure on myself or attempt to make content the whole week. In fact, I decided that I would not post any content on social media even if I felt inspired to, I came to terms with the idea that my mind and body needed a real, defined break. It was refreshing in a way that none of my previous breaks have been. The knowledge that I was really taking time off without pressure to return to work every day allowed me to refocus and feel reenergized. I did not feel as much guilt or shame, I was able to live in the moment, focus on myself, and refresh.
I understand that I am tremendously privileged to be able to take time off, especially after so many unintended breaks over the past year. I know that many people- likely including some of you who read this newsletter- do not have the career agency and financial freedom to take time off. I believe that time off should be a human right and I hope that writing about this does not come across as entitled or out of touch. I know that a spontaneous week off isn’t possible for everybody. But I wanted to tell you all about what led me to this decision and why I’ve decided to structure my work schedule to allow for a week off every few months. (In the future, my plan is for time off to include pre-scheduled, topical essays rather than no Moxie content.)
Long story short, last Sunday I made a TikTok about some of the rumors, speculation, and online harassment I have faced as a creator. For this TikTok, I did something I have not done in months. I looked at the reddit headlines and topics about me (only on Google, I did not actually click any of the threads to read them. I am doing my best to protect my peace.) and I became aware that much of the discussion on Reddit is about how I am “unhinged,” “crazy,” or “losing my mind.” Reading that felt unfair, hurtful, and scary. I did not feel unhinged, and I also thought, you know, if I was in a scary mental state how could pages of cruel speculation about it do anything but harm me further? I knew that avoiding Reddit was best for my mental health. I underestimated how even a cursory glance at the speculation, intentional misinterpretation of my words and actions, and vitriol would effect me. My girls, it really effected me. It really really hurt my feelings.
I also noticed that two influencers who I was previously mutuals with unfollowed me on Instagram. I know this seems like a silly thing to be upset about but it really hurt my feelings. While I have never met either of these people in person, I look up to and had communicated with both of them- one fairly extensively- via DM and text. I think the most likely answer is that each of these people unfollowed me because my content has changed a bit recently and they were more interested in New York and travel content rather than some of my more recent boat and “health issues related to massive life change” content. But I was upset and I can project when I am upset. Personally, I would probably only unfollow a mutual who I had interacted with on several occasions if I felt they were going in a direction where there mental health was in serious decline and that continuing to endorse their platform was potentially harmful to them. (Or, of course, if they started posting hate speech but I know I haven’t been posting hate speech or other harmful content.) And so I was worried that two people who I look up to thought I was in crisis and that scared me. (Again, in hindsight I was obviously upset and projecting and they likely just don’t like boats and think of me rarely, if ever.)
All of that to say, I became worried that many people authentically believed I was experiencing psychosis. (I was not.) And then I thought, “even if I am not psychotic, if a lot of people believe that I am, my mental health probably isn’t where it needs to be for me to produce good work.” And if I am even questioning my sanity, I don’t think it’s healthy or wise to create social media content. So I took a break.