Do people run out of second chances? It’s the New Year. I am turning thirty-three this month. In 2023 I lived on a boat, moved back to New York, returned to college after a shameful ten year gap, sold my boat, recovered from a reasonably severe concussion, reconciled some of the repressed feelings from my divorce, and finished my bachelor’s degree. Depending upon how you count second chances, I was able to have at least five big ones this year. If I write a memoir, I may call it Falling Up. I do not have imposter syndrome, I have an existential dread that I will finally run out of opportunities to redeem myself and return to circumstances more similar to those of my birth. (I am aware that this is, likely, a version of imposter syndrome.) But society loves an underdog! It seems deeply unfair to me, sometimes, that I seem to always find a way back on a good path after continuously wandering so far astray, while so many people manage to do things right the first time, the every time.
There’s always a path back to the top for smart, motivated people. The best advice my ex-husband gave me. And yet, I have learned enough lessons and I do not wish to learn more. It has been time for me to grow up, it has been time for me to stop talking and start doing.
