***Authors Note: while all of the below stories are true, names and identifying details have been changed to protect my creepy friends and the innocent bystanders (their exes and new partners of their paramours.)***
A friend of mine, Lindsey, became so fascinated with her then-boyfriend, Brett’s, ex-girlfriend that she and her sister, watching from a combination of finstas and their real accounts, had nearly daily conversations about the woman’s habit of posting elaborate, homemade coffee drinks to her instagram stories. “Did you see she bought easter sprinkles for her iced latte?” The discussion wasn’t limited to text messages, there were many phone calls. They were impressed by, if snarky about, the habit. Leslie’s sister called her one morning to confess she’d purchased the same Nespresso machine, mugs, and syrups that the object of their fascination used. “My sister told me it looked like a calming daily ritual.” Lindsey rolled her eyes, not unkindly. An influencer who didn’t know she was!
“I looked her up because a mutual friend told me that she said I was boring and ugly.” Lindsey told me. “Brett and I met in college and I couldn’t stop myself from looking. It became an obsession, I mean, my sister bought the same caramel syrup. Neither of us have ever met this woman. When I started dating [my new boyfriend], I deleted all of my instagram accounts to keep myself from looking into his recent exes.” I laughed. “I was like, okay, Lindsey, if you go down this rabbit hole, it will be the only media you consume for months. I had to nip it in the bud. But I have checked the women out on LinkedIn.”
“Is it jealousy?” I asked.
“You know, I really don’t think so. Of course seeing an old birthday post or something might make me jealous, but it was more curiosity. I was so fascinated by this stranger, I couldn't make myself look away. What kind of woman has the time and disposition to make that many beautiful coffees? I buy my coffee, I don’t have those organizational skills.”
I agree with Lindsey. I am deeply fascinated by my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend. The Ex. I am, literally, a fan of hers. There is very little information about her online and her anonymity (or boundaries?) fuels my curiosity.