I had dinner with an old friend of mine a few weeks ago (old in the sense that I have known her a very long time, she’s actually very young!) and it was one of those perfect nights where we got too dressed up and laughed the whole evening. We’re both single, both dating a little, both content to drink martinis together and avoid talking to men at all. As we were walking a few blocks from The Nines before we got in a cab to another bar downtown, she said something very kind to me.
“This is fun, Hannah. I don’t think you’ve ever dated when you’ve liked yourself before.” And she was right! I have certainly taken the long road to personal contentment. (I hope that at least some of you all can get there without a public divorce and a Page Six appearance! Though if you have to pick one or the other, The Post is more fun than getting divorced. Being on Page Six sort of feels like I imagine living in New York in the 90’s did! Getting divorced is horrific and exhausting! Being divorced is so fun, though!) But I really really like myself now and because I like myself I am conformable being myself. I am not always the easiest person to be! But I am fun and silly and confident and pretty hot at least right now and I am not stupid! I have the confidence of a stoic and I think it might be boring to be someone who it is always easy to be.
I am writing about dating. But I am actually writing about people pleasing and “The Rules.” I am good at dating in that I am outgoing and like meeting new people and so I have no first date anxiety. I do not look people up before I go out with them, I do not imagine our lives together or make too many assumptions about who they will be. I think that if you suffer from first date jitters, the best advice is to stop thinking of a first date as anything other than an opportunity to get dressed up and have a fun conversation. Nothing is off limits! Be a little silly! Ask that man whatever you want to ask him! Below are some general “rules” for dating. But by rules I mean “my advice” and with any advice, I think you should take what speaks to you and ignore what doesn’t.