Before we begin— I am donating 10% of my revenue from this month’s newsletter to help the people of Iran. If any of you know anything else I can do to help, please email or dm me or share in the comments.
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This is the unofficial Hannah Stella dating advice handbook.
Unofficial because it is a sometimes evolving and never completely finished list, you know?
You can have anything you want but you cannot have everything you want.
Focus on what you really want from your relationships and partnerships and make sure whoever you’re dating meets those criteria. If you are looking for marriage, only date people who are seeking long term relationships and who demonstrate that desire through their actions. If you want stability, focus on dating people with stable lives. This might mean forgoing some (superficial) things that you’d otherwise prefer in a partner. If you want adventure, date adventurous people.
I know this sounds extremely simple and obvious, but I think that many of us often behave in ways that are contrary to our goals. It is okay to have goals that aren’t traditional, I am certainly not saying everyone needs to look for a picket fence and two point eight children. I am saying you must decide on the life you want and then ask yourself whether the people (and other things!) in it are helping you get there.
Set the precedent
Do not behave, even on early dates, in a way you don’t want to behave for your entire relationship. If you do not want to make your husband coffee every morning do not make your boyfriend coffee every morning. If it is important to you to go to dinner with your friends twice a week, do not stop doing that. I am not saying that you should not compromise, I am saying you should make sure that you’re behaving in a way that is sustainable for the length of the relationship. Otherwise, you’ll end up resentful. I promise.
No drama and high standards
I mean for the way people treat you. This is probably less universal advice and more the way I am determined to behave in my personal life. I do not yell or play tricks or mind games. If someone I am dating does something I do not like, I tell them to stop it. I explain why I dislike it (“I have always hated the nickname “Han” when you call me that anyway it feels very disrespectful.”) and then if it continues beyond that, I’ll just… break up. I know this sounds sort of extreme but I do not think you can change people who do not listen and do not try and my sisters in christ I am way too tired to change anyone who isn’t me.
In heterosexual relationships, I think the man should pay on the first date (at least)
I just wanted you all to know that I haven’t, fundamentally changed.
All my love, my girls, I’ll be back on Tuesday!
xx
Hannah
PS: if you enjoy Moxie please consider becoming a paid subscriber or sharing this newsletter with your friends! As always my inbox is open for… whatever you’d like
Put this on a tshirt for your first merch please
“ I just wanted you all to know that I haven’t, fundamentally changed.”
Regarding Iran: here is a petition that you can sign that essentially aims to hold people accountable for war crimes. Those who have fled Iran after committing war crimes would be held accountable in the countries they flee to or under international law when applicable. https://www.amnesty.org/en/petition/end-the-protest-bloodshed-in-iran/