I am (if all goes well!) closing on my boat tomorrow. My sisters in christ, I am stressed! This has been the longest and the shortest six months of my life! You can see the anxiety fulled histamine reaction I am having on my instagram story! Be careful what you say you will do because you may actually end up doing it! I found some very cool jungle themed napkins! I do not know if multi-colored glassware will look cool or kitschy!
But I am so tired of focusing on stress and writing about stress and feeling so stressed and sad and exhausted and excited. So instead I will tell you a story. It does not have a moral. It is just a story.
When I was a small child I was obsessed with Martha White Strawberry Muffins. I tried to eat them for every meal. I think I even used to make them myself, just add milk! I went to Montessori school and Montessori schools hold birthday parties called a “celebration of life”. For these events, the child’s family comes to the school, they tell stories of every year of the child’s life, sometimes they bring a trifold board full of photos (I did not have a trifold board), and the child walks around a sun placed on the ground holding a globe; another orbit around the sun! There is a special song and most importantly, a special snack.
The honoree’s family brings a “special snack” for the whole class, often parents brought cupcakes or a cookie cake from a mall kiosk. Big spenders provided a pizza lunch and a sheet cake. For my third birthday, I wanted to bring strawberry muffins. I remember cooking them with my mother in the kitchen of our old house the night before, we made extras so that all of the teachers could have one. I asked for one when we finished baking but my mom said we should save them for school.
My parents came to school with me in the morning, a box piled high with the pink muffins in hand. Typically, a celebration of life is right before lunch or at the end of the day and the snack is served immediately. I do not remember the reason but my 3rd birthday celebration of life was first thing in the morning and my parents left the snack to be served later in the day.
My friends, I was so excited about these muffins at lunch. When the time finally came, I helped the teacher pass out muffins to my entire class. After we were finished, I asked her for my muffin. She said, “Hannah, you already had one before we passed them out, you cannot have two muffins.”
I had not already had a muffin. I had spent nearly 24 hours, nearly 0.1% of my life, focused on this muffin that I would have in this classroom after this lunch. It that moment, I knew exactly one thing: I had not consumed a strawberry muffin in more than 36 hours. I protested and said I had not had one yet. She called me a liar. No one had ever accused me of lying before but I did not care. I was focused, a woman on a mission, a muffin by any means necessary.
I said, “okay, since it’s my birthday may I please just have a muffin now too?”
And she said, “no, I already gave the extras to the class next door.”
I was devastated. I was so stressed I broke out in hives and had to take oatmeal baths for the next week and a half. I wailed and begged and protested. I did not get a muffin, they were all gone. I don’t think I’ve had a strawberry muffin since then.
Perhaps there is a moral to this story but I do not know what it could be.
XX
Hannah
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Hannah. Please go make those muffins right now. I need a happy ending.
The tantrum I would have thrown at being called a liar!