It’s funny with this that I think what we hold on to is the perfect picture of what could have been and it’s not based in any reality. I’m happily married with three kids and have been with my partner for over 10 years. Doesn’t stop my “John” from creeping into my thoughts. I hate it to be honest because it’s pure fiction at this point and yet somehow lurks in the background. I “let him go” a long time ago and haven’t spoke to him in 8 years.
When we were together in our very early 20s, my ex used to joke that we needed to break up and have our "practice marriages" and then once divorced, we could get back together with each other for our "real marriage." (His parents were both briefly married to other people before meeting each other, and he idolized their relationship.) I always felt like that was a little fucked up but also sweet. It's hard to be very in love when you are also very young and don't feel ready to be with your "forever partner" already.
OMG Hannah! Thank you for posting this. I am newly married but have been with my now husband for a few years. He knows all about my John but I have to be honest, there is a small lurking part where every once in a while he creeps into my thoughts. I have never been a fan of what if's. My John and I never actually made things official - opposite sides of the country, bi-annual visits (unofficially) to see each other while seeing other friends. I can't help but let it be a "what if" despite being so happy with my current partner. It's so refreshing to see I am not alone.
There is a kind of odd, unspoken cultural thing with many of my friends and acquaintances that we all have a “John”. A shocking number of my acquaintances have had partners die quite young, and somewhere in our experience, “John”s became a thing to need.
Somehow my “John” has remained unmarried. I broke up with him to be with the person I’m now married to. He texted me several years ago to see how the relationship was going, so I guess I’m still a backup for him as well.
My ex from wait for it-25 yrs ago-gets in touch here and there. He was the one who got away. We were in love but timing was truly the thing that split us up. Lots of strange coincidences over the yrs between the two of us. We are both happily married. He wants to get together next time I’m in his city. I’m thinking no. Maybe I’ll see him again someday. Who knows.
It’s funny with this that I think what we hold on to is the perfect picture of what could have been and it’s not based in any reality. I’m happily married with three kids and have been with my partner for over 10 years. Doesn’t stop my “John” from creeping into my thoughts. I hate it to be honest because it’s pure fiction at this point and yet somehow lurks in the background. I “let him go” a long time ago and haven’t spoke to him in 8 years.
When we were together in our very early 20s, my ex used to joke that we needed to break up and have our "practice marriages" and then once divorced, we could get back together with each other for our "real marriage." (His parents were both briefly married to other people before meeting each other, and he idolized their relationship.) I always felt like that was a little fucked up but also sweet. It's hard to be very in love when you are also very young and don't feel ready to be with your "forever partner" already.
OMG Hannah! Thank you for posting this. I am newly married but have been with my now husband for a few years. He knows all about my John but I have to be honest, there is a small lurking part where every once in a while he creeps into my thoughts. I have never been a fan of what if's. My John and I never actually made things official - opposite sides of the country, bi-annual visits (unofficially) to see each other while seeing other friends. I can't help but let it be a "what if" despite being so happy with my current partner. It's so refreshing to see I am not alone.
There is a kind of odd, unspoken cultural thing with many of my friends and acquaintances that we all have a “John”. A shocking number of my acquaintances have had partners die quite young, and somewhere in our experience, “John”s became a thing to need.
Somehow my “John” has remained unmarried. I broke up with him to be with the person I’m now married to. He texted me several years ago to see how the relationship was going, so I guess I’m still a backup for him as well.
I think I have a John but in a girlfriend form - we are friends on and off.
As for history class - Lee Radziwill is a must imo.
My ex from wait for it-25 yrs ago-gets in touch here and there. He was the one who got away. We were in love but timing was truly the thing that split us up. Lots of strange coincidences over the yrs between the two of us. We are both happily married. He wants to get together next time I’m in his city. I’m thinking no. Maybe I’ll see him again someday. Who knows.
Hannah! This is maybe the most relatable thing you've ever written. Wowowowow.