The habits that are changing my life

things are on the upswing!

Thank you for taking the time to read my essays. Your support means so much to me. If you enjoy these newsletters, please consider sharing Moxie with friends via email or on social media. You can also upgrade to a paid subscription which entitles you to an additional essay every Tuesday. Your support of my work allows me to keep writing on this platform and to keep making free content- with minimal ads- on other platforms. Regardless of subscription level, thank you for being here, I love you and am grateful for your support.

Hello my girls!

After a very chaotic year (I told you all that my ex-husband and I were separating on July 3, 2022; time has moved very quickly and very slowly since then, depending on the day) I finally feel good. I feel more settled, I feel attractive, I feel completely in control of my life for the first time ever. There are many things I miss about men and being in a relationship. Companionship, sex, being silly, the excitement of early stage dating! But I am also very much enjoying life on my own. I have some anxieties, of course. The largest one being income in the long term. I am very proud to earn income as a writer and I am optimistic but terrified about pursuing writing as a long term career path. I do not think I have changed in the last twelve months, I think I have become more myself but in some ways who I am surprises me.

One of the ways that my perspective has shifted- when it comes to the idea of dating, I have become much more (or much less, depending upon how you look at it) superficial. I have always cared about financial stability but I have never cared about money in a magnificent sense. I have no desire to own a mega yacht or be with a billionaire. That is not a fact about me that has changed. (I know some of you do not believe me, think what you wish!) However, I always imagined that if I ever found myself single in my 30s, I would date men in their 40s or even early 50s. It just seemed like a relationship with that age gap would be easier. And, actually, I don’t want to do that. On Tuesday I wrote about sex- sex is important to me. And I am, for the most part, attracted to men around my age. I am not willing to sacrifice attraction for anything. This part is shameful to admit- I also care about people’s perception of me and my relationships in a superficial way. I was out one night a few weeks ago and a man who clearly had a little bit of money but who was about two decades my senior and not my physical type was flirting with me and I found myself glancing around the bar, hoping people did not think we were together. I didn’t want strangers to assume my attention was for purchase and if that man and I were together, I know people would think that was why. It would have been why. Of course, the superficial stuff melts away as you get to know someone. I do not expect anyone I end up with to look the same forever and I really do not judge people who pick partners who work for their needs, whatever those may be. Who knows, maybe I’ll meet a much older George Clooney lookalike or fall in love with someone who isn’t my “type” over a deep conversation at a party and have to eat crow.

But I digress! I have found this inner peace and sense of fulfillment and contentment through changing my habits. Here are a few of the things I have changed that have helped me feel more competent and confident. I would love to know the habits that help you as well!

-I wake up early and eat breakfast. (Though I do not eat breakfast early.) For most of my adult life, I’ve woken up between nine and ten am. Now, I get up between six and seven, make coffee, go for a walk, and start on my tasks for the day. I was never a breakfast person but I started getting hungry in the mornings and when I am hungry I eat, usually around 8 or 9. I think breakfast has really helped my focus and energy throughout the day.

-I schedule workout classes. This is probably unique to me as a freelancer but having something on the books for the day helps me set the rest of my schedule and stick to it. When I wake up in the morning and plan to write at some point, I often write at no point. By scheduling a workout class, where the time and location cannot be changed, I am able to more effectively schedule the rest of the day. A little structure helps a lot!

-I (mostly) don’t drink. I have had a few glasses of wine since my 21 days without any alcohol ended but I now drink only occasionally and only socially. Relative sobriety has given me longer days and productive evenings.

-I make most of my own meals. Cooking is centering and healthful. I usually make a curry a few times a week and eat it for a few days. One of the joys of living alone is that a homemade meal lasts longer!

I love you and I would love to know what you want, what you do to help center yourself, and how you’re doing!

xx

Hannah