Dear Friends Old and New,
Thank you for subscribing to Moxie! There are many new subscribers here this week and before I begin with this Tuesday’s essay I wanted to take the time to express my gratitude to all of you for being here and link a few essays from the Moxie archive. I have selected a mix of my personal favorites and of some of my more popular writing. On Tuesdays, I write an essay for paid subscribers and Thursdays my free Moxie essay comes out. While I strive for comparable quality and content both days, if I’m writing about something particularly personal or difficult, I often choose to publish it on Tuesdays. This is not a money grab (though Substack is my main source of income and I believe writing is real work) it’s because I feel most comfortable sharing more candidly with people who I know to be supportive. The below links are a mix of free and paid content. I hope you all enjoy these essays and continue to find value and a sense of kinship through Moxie. (This week’s essay begins below these links, please feel free to scroll past if they aren’t interesting to you or if you’ve already read them.)
With love,
Hannah Stella
Silver Spoon is an essay about my childhood and relationship with my parents, particularly my dad. It’s probably my favorite thing I’ve written.
Since I’ve Come Home is about the physical effects of stress on my body and why it can feel scary to take a break from drinking.
Single White Female is a fun, sort of women’s magazine style essay about why we obsess over our partner's exes (or over our ex’s new love interests)
My Girls, My Girls is the essay where I first opened up about my struggles with depression. I’m grateful so many of you found it impactful.
Thankful was written at the beginning of my time sailing and the struggles to adjust. Also includes reflections on some of the more difficult times I’ve been though recently.
In On Motherhood I speak about my desire to have children and why I’ve decided (at least as of now) not to pursue egg freezing.
Waco, TX talks about a day I spent in my hometown this past fall. It was a very centering experience.
Something Surprising is about how many men try to sleep with you when they find out you and your husband broke up.
…
Did TikTok Ruin My Life?
There are two kinds of questions I avoid answering online. The first are questions I do not want to answer, either because the answer is too personal, is outside of the boundaries of the type of information I share, or (I think most often) because the answer involves disclosing information about people who are not me and that I don’t feel is my place to share. The second are questions I authentically do not know the answer to.
“Did you get divorced because of TikTok?” Is a question that fits into the latter category. People ask me at least once a week and I avoided answering because it’s complicated, emotional, and I don’t really know the answer. Today I am going to try to answer it as best I can.
I think some people, when they ask “did you get divorced because of TikTok?” Mean “Did your ex husband think that you were so attention seeking, externally focused, and desperate for the praise of strangers to such and extent that he left you over your TikTok account?” The answer to that question is no.
But if the question means, “did TikTok and social media attention bring new, unanticipated challenges to your life and marriage and did those challenges drive a wedge between you and your partner that was impossible to overcome?” Then the answer is much more complicated, sad, and heavy.
I think I might regret starting TikTok.